Care for Caregivers
By Wendy Beach, Health and Well-Being Coach
What are some tips we can apply to care for ourselves as caregivers? We often hear that self-care is so important, yet that often seems unrealistic or impossible.
In a study shared in a Multinational Association of Supportive Care in Cancer journal, “Low engagement in all self-care practices was associated with worse caregiver anxiety, depression, and health-related quality of life.”1
Who has time though? Isn’t it more pressure to feel we “should” do self-care too when we’re so focused on care of others? Don’t worry, it’s not all bubble baths and yoga - although if you can squeeze those in, great! Here are some general thoughts to keep in mind:
Be aware. First, let’s listen to ourselves and acknowledge the impact that caregiving has on our bodies, minds and spirits. We’re not alone. There are many burdens and blessings of caregiving.
Be mindful of the small moments – challenging and rewarding ones. Take the time we’re caring for our loved one in small increments – one moment at a time. Even when we’re rushed with too much on our plates and shoulders, we can choose to try to focus on each task at hand. Mindful dish washing. Mindfully changing bed linens. Mindfully listening to repeated stories from those with dementia. Mindful meal preparation.
Be curious instead of critical of ourselves and others. Ask yourself, “I wonder why I’m holding my breath and clenching my fists right now?” We can choose self-compassion when we notice our understandable reactions to stress, worry and fear.
Be human. Borrow a slogan from addiction recovery circles – H.A.L.T. When we’re hungry, angry, lonely or tired, attend to those needs first and the other responsibilities we’re facing will go smoother.
Be open and ask for help. We often feel that asking for help means we can’t handle what we’re “supposed” to handle, and that others have their own busy lives. While that may be true, the opportunity to help others is a gift we give to someone we reach out to when we’re in need of a break, an idea, or even financial resources.
Be realistic in our expectations. When we are thinking thoughts like “How can I handle such a huge responsibility?” use this acronym: H.O.W. How will I do this? By being Honest, Open and Willing. Willing to try new ideas, to be honest about how we’re feeling, and open to help. NOT by expecting ourselves to be smarter, more independent or more talented. Those don’t apply in this new part of our journey.
Be non-judgmental. When we embrace that we’re perfectly imperfect, much like those we love, we soften. Softening our self-judgment softens what we perceive as judgment from others.
Remember, again, that being a caregiver is BOTH a burden and a blessing. Your natural reactions will not always be the ideal picture that you have in mind. Reduce your expectations, allow for good and bad surprises, and know that you are resilient enough to handle them all through your internal and external resources, as they unfold. You can do this. You’re not alone.
References:
1Dionne-Odom JN, Demark-Wahnefried W, Taylor RA, et al. The self-care practices of family caregivers of persons with poor prognosis cancer: differences by varying levels of caregiver well-being and preparedness. Support Care Cancer. 2017;25(8):2437-2444. doi:10.1007/s00520-017-3650-7
Additional resources:
https://www.caregiver.org/resource/taking-care-you-self-care-family-caregivers/
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/well/mind/caregiver-health.html
